My child is still my focus. Work is still a priority. Family is still a focal point in my life.
So, what was missing?
ME!
I live a rather solitary life once I reach the weekends. I often come home from work on Friday and that is it, I don't make plans with my friends, I don't go out an meet new people, I don't go outside my comfort zone. So, what do I do? I sleep, watch TV, take care of my son, clean, laundry, groceries.
Life is not supposed to be like this. Right? How did I get here? How can I get out of here and start living again?
So, here is what I have decided to do....join Weight Watcher's online. I have tried Weight Watcher meetings in the past and was somewhat successful for awhile at least. Then I found I would be too busy with work and running my son to his activities to really be devoted to the plan and going to the meetings. So, I am trying the online route for now. The online tools are great and now that I have a smart phone and access to computers at home and school I have no excuses of it being inconvenient.
I have been "thinking" about doing something about my weight for years. The key word there is "thinking." I thought about my weight and how I was disappointed in myself many times a day. I would just become discouraged and got into the habit of eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and before I knew it I had gained 30 MORE pounds. I found myself staying home if I didn't have to work, avoiding social situations, and being focused only on my son and ignoring my needs.
I finally joined Weight Watchers (again) on March 4, 2012. I guesstimated my weight to be 230 lbs. I haven't been on a scale in months and the weight was in the high 220's so I figured that was a decent enough guess. I have chosen to weigh myself on Fridays on the scale in the nurses office of the school I teach in, so I did that yesterday and was nervous my weight would actually be over 230! Thankfully, I weighed in at 224.5 lbs. I don't really believe I lost 5.5 lbs in 5 days but I was proud of myself because I know had to have lost a pound or two or three this week. Next week will be the true test of weight loss because I will have "real" weight to compare to as I check my weight.
I have had a range of thoughts and emotions this week. This point system has really made me see that my eating was out of control. Eating anything and everything I desired without concern over how it would effect me. Then later I would spent a lot of time thinking about how I felt fat, like a failure, depressed, sad, angry. In the past couple of years I would say most days I felt bad about how I looked and felt because of my weight MANY times a day. This week I didn't feel that way at all because I finally felt like I was in control. I don't feel like the Earth has shifted or that I have complete control over the situation but I do have confidence that I haven't had in a long time and I was at peace with my body knowing I was doing something for ME!
Prom - Feeling like one of the "big" girls.
College not feeling thin but feeling good because I had conquered the freshman 15 by losing the weight over the summer.
Feeling great because my weight was lower than it had been in years!
My confidence was high and I was proud of myself....it didn't take long for
me to feel out of control and the weight started creeping back on.
Two years ago at Easter. I am a little bigger than this now but this was the beginning of spinning completely out of control and just giving up.
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